As soon as you get into your late twenties people start asking you that marvellous question, ‘When do you plan to get married?’
Get past thirty and the question becomes a reminder: you know you need to get married.
Like seriously, do you think I forgot?
I get so irritated by these questions because frankly, someone would know if they need to get married. For life’s own reasons, we all cannot have spouses and two kids by age thirty, just the same way we cannot all be CEO at forty. Or fifty. Or never.
But I have come to accept that these questions from people who think themselves wise, are not going to stop. So nowadays I have fun giving thoughtless random answers to people who think they know best what is good for me.
Social gatherings are the dreaded grounds for the public shooting of those of us who are guilty of crimes against humanity through failure to marry in the late twenties. There is always an accusatory tone accompanying the firing of the ‘when’ questions, a silent tone that screams: IT IS YOUR FAULT YOU ARE NOT MARRIED!
When people ask why you are not married, they are not really asking you why you are not married. They do not want to hear about the challenges you are going through in trying to meet your rightful frog. What they are actually asking is, what is wrong with you?
I was at a cousin’s wedding, peacefully enjoying the free soda that I had paid for through the wedding fundraiser, when Aunty Maria thought it wise to remind me,’ You know you need to get married’.
I still regret my response but just because she is my aunty.
‘Oh, wow Aunty, when did you realize I need to get married?’
You should have seen the look on her face, for a moment I thought she was going to have a heart attack. I love her so much but she has a weak heart and is diabetic yet she can’t seem to keep her nose out of any sugary gossip.
I met a former college mate who also said I need to get married. I think he is a genius. ‘Did you figure all that by yourself? You must be the next Stephen Hawking’.
I am totally justified to respond the way I want because it is my life they are poking their smelly noses into. You can’t keep on asking me such intrusive personal questions and expect me to play nice.
Some idiot asked me at a cocktail what am waiting for. I briefly starred at my wrist watch then calmly responded, ‘the bus’.
Don’t try to figure that out, there was no hidden meaning to the response, just a sweet way of telling him to get carried away by floods.
I told another clever idiot the real reason is because I am trying to save the environment.
He asked how. I told him bachelors don’t cook with wooden spoons, do they? And when they do they don’t use charcoal or firewood, only gas.
Then I visited Uncle Tembo over Easter holiday and he chose to really grill me on the issue. Eventually he wondered if I plan to have kids.
‘As soon as Kenya finishes paying off her foreign debt. I wouldn’t want my kids to start life on a negative footing.’
I don’t think I’ll get invited next Easter.
All I want the world to know is yes I want to get married, yes I value family, yes I want to have children and I am placing myself in best way I can to have that happen. It just hasn’t happened yet, for whatever reasons, and I don’t need anyone to be my alarm clock.
In any case I cannot bring kids into a world without peace, Israel must first reconcile with Palestine.
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