Tony called me last evening, which happened to be International Women’s Day.
‘Care for a drink?’ he asked.
We met at our local, one of those cheap wines and spirits shop that often come in handy when the month is at the corner.
He didn’t speak at once about his troubles but by the third round he was ready to open up.
‘What’s wrong with women!’ he exclaimed.
It wasn’t a question, more of an opening line to the book entitled ‘Am about to share man problems.’
‘Women are a confused bunch. There’s this girl Sally, man she’s pretty. And she’s single too but she’s playing so hard to get. I’ve tried everything but she just won’t take me on.’
‘Everything? Taken her on a date to space maybe?’ I was in a good mood.
‘Stop goofing man, you know what I mean. I call her everyday but she never calls me. I’ve sent her flowers but not even a kiss on the cheek from her. I took her to see Black Panther and she wouldn’t even hold my hand.’
‘Maybe she just doesn’t like you. She prefers avocado.’
‘She likes me. I see the way she looks at me and the way she laughs at my jokes. It’s been three months since we started talking and she hasn’t blown me off exactly, she’s playing hard to get.’
‘Look T, I don’t believe in chasing after a woman so hard. This kukatia thing is just silly. If she doesn’t like you just let her go!’
Tony gave me this look of disbelief and burst out laughing.
‘No wonder you’ve been single for two years’, he said ‘You just don’t get it. You have to chase a woman to win her’.
‘Is she a cup? Why chase a woman in this day and age?’
A hundred years ago it made perfect sense for a man to relentlessly pursue a woman. It was not easy to convince a girl that he was the best house master for her and she should agree to bear him children and be his house servant till death do apart.
But things begun changing so much since man started flying in the sky and the modern man should not be seeking a house servant. In the years since Barack Obama became president and got retired and the lunatic Trump now holds the reigns, it is surprising that many a lady still play hard to get.
In today’s world a man seeks a partner with whom to navigate the crazy demands of modern life. In a world that has become so complex and dynamic, it makes a lot more sense to be with a person who understands you, appreciates you, shares common interests and will not leave you when your wallet can no longer keep up with rising fuel prices.
‘Look T, I believe dating is a chance for two people to know each other. It’s not a time to chase each other. Am not saying a girl should kiss or sleep a guy on the first date, no. She should spend time with the guy and get to know him and open up about herself from the beginning’
‘What do you mean a girl should not play hard to get? Men are lions and I don’t mind a chase,’ said Tony.
‘T, if a man views a woman as a thing to be conquered, it continues to perpetuate the belief of women being inferior. The moment you conquer her you feel you have achieved your objective and you get bored and seek a new challenge. Your focus should not be on chasing and conquering a woman but rather the two of you getting to know each other and building real friendship.’
So I went on to argue with Tony that respect and mutual appreciation starts from the start. My view is the lady should call the man just as much as the man calls her. She should plan activities and propose dates with the guy and not leave the guy to be the one always looking for her. She should chip in on the date, pay fare here and there. She should show she appreciates the attention of the man even when they have not become intimate. Dating is a time for two people to get to know each other not a time for the man to prove himself perfect.
‘You must be watching romantic comedies from the future,’ laughed Tony.
‘Have you ever asked yourself how come a good guy sometimes sleeps with a girl and dumps her immediately?’ I countered.
‘A good guy can’t sleep with a girl and dump her immediately,’ retorted Caro, our barmaid. We were seated at the counter and she had been listening to our conversation all this time while pretending to chat on phone. Sneaky woman.
‘At times a guy spends so much time chasing a girl and by the time the girl gives in, they get intimate immediately. Then after sleeping together the girl now opens up to the guy. The guy gets to know the girl better and realizes she has nothing else to offer besides sex. He realizes she is boring and he can’t be with her. He bolts. This situation could have been avoided if the girl had been open to the guy before they hit the sack. The guy would have realized she is not the right lady for him and he would not have wasted time and resources chasing after her’.
Tony let out a long hard drunk laugh. ‘Boss, at times sex is all the guy wants!’
‘That’s true Tony, sometimes, not all the time. Again that is a good reason why a lady should try to know the man as much as possible before sleeping with him. The problem is when a lady is playing hard to get she does not get a chance to get to know the guy because she is just focusing on creating a false impression of herself.’
Caro gave me one of those looks that say: that’s your alcohol talking.
But I was dead sober because I only take juice and mineral water. So we had a few more and I managed to convince Tony not to chase after Sally so hard because after all he might find Sally is not right for him. Caro refused to return all my balance because I was ‘insulting’ women on International Women’s day. Caro is bae, she lets Tony drink on bill when he is too broke, so it’s not a big loss. Fifty bob gone. Long live our women.